It’s been a whirlwind these past two months and I appreciate everyone who took the time to check in on me through the attacks and vitriol I received. From being called ‘aggressive’ ‘a cunt’ ‘rude’ to ‘a colonizer’ ‘gringo’ ‘racist’ ‘Anglo-centrist’ [and more], I’ve been doing my best to engage with the positives and leaving online spaces to engage with people who care and value critically thinking and progressive movements that are necessary for communities to move forward. Even with that, I was still left sitting with overwhelming feelings that came from intensive mischaracterizations toward me which brought forth a lot of insecurities I’ve been over familiar with whenever i addressed issues that needed to be changed. My inner child was distressed, a lot of days were spent crying and it took a lot out of me. I know a lot of people have expressed admiration of my strength, but, please take the time to center my exhaustion and sadness as well. It’s integral to maintain this as part of my humanity and aids in dispelling racial stereotypes we often see applied to Black Women who’ve chosen to move forward despite society doing it’s best to break us down.
I’ve shared on my Instagram/Facebook several moments discussing the issue’s I’ve seen, consistently, regarding this flag. Please give yourself an opportunity to watch them before repeating the following:
‘This looks too close to the nonbinary flag’
‘We just became recognized, this flag will further erasure’
‘I’m autistic/have ADHD, don’t like change!!’
‘Nobody is going to use this flag’ // ‘Does this mean I can’t use the other flag???’
‘Who TF Are YOU?!’ // ‘What made you think you could do this!?’
‘I won’t recognize this flag, I have to much merch of the OG design’
‘This flag look like the ‘M*Ps flag; what about the Children!?’
And so on. These comments add nothing to the conversation of progression. If anything, they show that there’s repetition across cultures when it comes to how change is received, as well as who is purposing the change. I never said this flag I created will replace the original Ace Flag. I’ve actually said, repeatedly, that folks should use both flags as a way to highlight progression in this community. There have been people who have used this flag on it’s own; that is their own personal choice and one I also fully support b/c that’s part of the freedom people have. The purpose of this flag, and the conversations that have come with it, is to engage with this sexual identity with more intention. That can only happen with more language, more representation and Change. If you are unable to push your discomfort and give yourself an opportunity to value this as way for others to feel more represented and connected to the Asexual community, whether you use the flag or not, you are acting as a barrier to progress and that’s unhelpful to you and several others Asexual people in this world.
It’s not lost on me that AVEN [Asexual Visibility & Education Network; the worlds largest Asexual Org for Resources and the body responsible for the creation of the AVEN DSM Task Force] made one comment on my post, has conveniently ‘taken a break from their socials’ since and silently watched as those aligned with this organization have continued to hurl nonsensical / baseless accusations towards me, which continued to further the harm I experienced. I’ve been ‘kindly asked’ to not share anymore screenshots from the groups I’ve been a part of for years for ‘safety reasons’ while being attacked by those same group x individuals and it’s very clear whose feelings / protection is being centered here.
Often we are told that we need ‘institutional permission’ to build & create change; to push things forward/launch our idea, we need approval from those in power. In the same breath, those [individuals, orgs, etc] part of these institutions, permit gatekeeping, exclusion and further harm of those most marginalized in the community. To be so threatened by an individual whose used their platform to educate, uplift and progress a community forward, in ways that decentralize your established authority and hold a magnifying glass to the issues that have always been present, is not disappointing but also reflective of the pattern we see at a larger scale when discussing the problems we see from government and the ways they further harm on to citizens who dare to rebel against the system. Regardless of your fear of conflict, this could’ve been an amazing opportunity to create connections people have been requesting for years, but instead, the decision to lean into maintaining your image, comfort & pockets was prioritized.
As this flag continues to gain traction and be used, globally, let’s also acknowledge the importance that comes from the alignment of this symbol and others we’ve all chosen to passively use. This was created as a way to create conversation within our community and reflect on how our experiences are not only varied, but also shared, amongst many.
We need to start to be more comfortable sitting with the discomfort that comes with not knowing, with change, with our identities and with others outside of our bubble. We need to get comfortable speaking and thinking openly about our experiences to build up our skills around engaging with more intention and competence so we’re not immediately left feeling othered when someone says ‘they don’t understand’; they don’t have to understand and you don’t need to work towards gaining validity from people who are committed to their ignorance. We need to leave room for more people in our community to find themselves a place to land when they do start to explore what Asexuality is and how it’s been a part of their lives. From the language added to the meaning of the colours of this new asexuality flag, my hope is that all of the things I mentioned, will start to occur in a more intentionally lead, collective conversations, not just celebrities or orgs positioned as ‘representatives’ of an incredibly diverse community.
This flag is not something I hope takes over the original flag, it’s something I see as an addition to our community. One people have chosen to use, by itself and/or with the original, as we all continue learning more about ourselves in this world.
For those looking to buy this new flag, I’ve excited to say you can buy it from
PrideFladSD [Please Request for the New Asexuality Flag]
Anley [More information on this process can be found on my IG]
For folks looking for ways to continue supporting me & this work; my Kofi is linked here [Support My Work & Find PNG’s/Hex Codes of this flag here]
Lastly, Yes, this flag has a name, I will share soon.
Yes, I will be talking more about the colours of this flag. Trying to get some thing out across Substack, Instagram/Facebook & Tiktok is a lot, so, please be patient with me!
Thank you for all the work you put in. We see through the excuses and hear the silence of AVEN. Please keep yourself safe and continue to take care!
So many of the people complaining about the flag haven’t even bothered to read your reasons for making it. Thank you for working to give everyone in the ace community a way to express themselves, I hope that you have been able to find some rest.